


Leap (of Fate)

by Hanelli



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Matt's only here in passing, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 15:56:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12236061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanelli/pseuds/Hanelli
Summary: When certain feelings get out of hand, how can you tell your best friend that you have feelings for him (without throwing a monkey wrench into your dynamics)?





	Leap (of Fate)

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for attempted suicide (and swearing courtesy of Al).

“I don’t even know what to do anymore at this point.”

It was well into the fourth year, first semester at the local university, which normally meant it was crunch time: getting thesis plans together, working on the body of what the graduation candidates were going to be presenting in the next semester, everyone literally running on coffee at this point to stay awake—and alive.

But for one of the brightest minds in the Aeronautical Engineering department, there was something else bothering him entirely. While Ivan Mikhailovich Braginsky had one of the highest grade-point averages to ever cross into the Engineering department’s halls, he had other things on his mind…

He’d take to hanging around the top floors of the tallest buildings on the premises, staring into nothingness while his mind was relentlessly tormented by thoughts of rejection—and potential awkwardness, if it ever came to pass. While he’d confided in Matthew about the nature of his dilemma, he wasn’t exactly too sure on how he would eventually tell Alfred about what was on his mind.

 _To be honest, it’s been there since second year… but I don’t know how he’d feel about it. I mean, you rarely see… you rarely encounter individuals of my orientation around here. Everyone’s straight as an arrow. But I’m sick and tired of turning down so many girls, it makes me want to just throw up when I think about it…_ he thought, sitting down right on the ledge of the Engineering building’s tallest spire.

 _I know they made a game out of it, but even I’m just. I don’t get them at all. It’s so strange…_ he continued to ponder, taking a sip from the package he had—a bottle of Stolichnaya vodka he’d smuggled along with him.

He wasn’t aware that Matthew had noticed his little trips up to building rooftops in the evenings, and had secretly told Alfred about his odd behavior. What he knew, however, was that he’d told one that he was gay; but not the other. _I’m not even sure how he’d react if I told him…that’s what I’m so afraid of…_ he thought, knocking back another long drink before closing his eyes for the briefest of moments.

 _“Alfred… how am I supposed to tell you that I… that I have feelings for you in such a way you’re not going to get weirded out by my confession?”_ he muttered to himself, hiding his face in his hands before taking another deep breath.  “M-maybe I shouldn’t tell you… because it’d ruin our friendship, and I don’t want that…”

He was completely oblivious to the fact that Matthew had trailed him when he’d snuck out of his dorm room that evening; and had called Alfred to come join him. While Ivan had a feeling he was being followed, his tormented thoughts had more than blocked out his instincts at that point.

 _“I… sometimes I hate it. I hate being…different,”_ he continued to himself, running his hands through his ash-blonde hair and wringing them afterwards. “Is it so wrong to be… to be this way?”

He then took another drink from the paper bag, before letting out another sigh. “Maybe I should just… _fly_.”

* * *

_“Can you hear what he’s saying?”_

_“I can’t, bro. Sorry…”_

The two whispering figures were hanging around the roof access staircase, taking precautionary glances every few moments at the figure who was sitting on the very ledge.

“Al, I think you should go check on him…” the soft whispering of Matthew’s voice passing between the two. “I’ve… well, you should, yeah.”

 ** _“Why fucking me, Mattie?”_** the other one asked, folding his arms into a tight formation. _“Why not you?”_

 _“Look, I’ve already heard his side. I think it’s best if you—“_ he trailed off; his mauve eyes widening in alarm at the sight he’d noticed.

 ** _“Shit!”_** came the hiss from Alfred, as he quickly stood up and made a mad dash for it. “Ivan  ** _fucking_** Mikhailovich Braginsky, **_don’t do what I think you’re about to do!_** ” he shouted, standing up and making a desperate run for it; the better to save his best friend who’d seemingly taken a leap into the unknown.

* * *

Ivan had already made up his mind—if he couldn’t tell Alfred about his feelings for him, he’d take the secret to the grave. He’d already pushed off and was in freefall for the briefest of moments when he suddenly felt a painful jolt rush through his right arm, and looked up in surprise to see the very angry face of his best friend, who was hanging onto him!

“Wha?!” he began, before he heard an angry series of hissing and colorful expletives rip from Alfred’s mouth.

“ ** _What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!_** ” he heard, his own face suddenly screwing up into concentration as he threw all his weight against the ledge, desperately trying to pull his best friend back up. “What did I tell you?!” he continued.

“A-Alfred?!” was all Ivan could stammer before he raised his left hand and tried to prise the other’s grip off him. _“P-please, j-just let go of me…”_

“And be fucking responsible for your damned death?! **No fucking way, Ivan. _No. Fucking. Way,_** ” he growled, adrenaline suddenly coursing through him as he managed to haul him back up topside.

Due to the sudden movement, Ivan had indirectly pinned him down, and was now staring at the brightest—not to mention the angriest—pair of bespectacled blue eyes that were now ripping a hole through him. “I…” he began to stammer, before looking away for the briefest of moments to try to stop the emotions that were welling up inside him.

 ** _“Don’t make me call you a little piece of shit,”_** came the angry snarling from Alfred’s direction, which forced him to suddenly look back at him—and then the words came pouring out of him; accompanied by tears.

“A-Alfred, I’m s-sorry for this, but… there’s something bothering me for the l-longest time now,” he began; staring right into the ocean-blue that was now glaring right at him. **_“It’s… you see, I’m—“_** he managed to get out before he suddenly felt a hand snake through the back of his head and his lips suddenly crashed down on his best friend’s!

Back at where Matthew was waiting, slightly hidden from the other two, he felt a smile twitch at the corner of his lips before turning around to give the two some privacy—they did need it, after all.

* * *

He was too stunned to notice that Alfred’s lips had met against his own; his body had gone cold for a few moments before he’d closed his eyes and let instinct take over. He didn’t resist as he felt his head tilt dangerously close, although he had to angle himself slightly because the eyeglasses (and his own prominent nose) were getting in the way.

Much as he wanted to yank them off; he’d instead decided to lose himself in the sensation; that burning feeling he’d kept buried for so long finally rising as he slowly let his hands wind their way around Alfred’s neck (and his body) as he slowly shifted around, hauling him into a much more comfortable position before finally coming up for air; eventually meeting the ocean-blue with his own deep-purple gaze.

“I—“ he began to stammer, looking down before he finally buried his face in Alfred’s shoulder to hide the fact he was crying again.

“Dude. Don’t fucking cry. _You’re r-ripping me up inside, too,_ ” he heard his best friend whisper, his other hand still resting in Ivan’s hair. **_“I s-swear to f-fucking hell, d-don’t make m-me freak out like th-that again,”_** he added, his other arm winding around the taller man’s waist as he tried to quell the shaking that was coming from the other. 

 _“Tell me what's on your mind, big guy…”_ he began after a few moments of silence; he knew he had to let the crying run its course.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written during me agonizing over certain chapters of two of my longer fics (which have yet to be released), since my muse was being stubborn and didn't want to cooperate with me at the time.


End file.
